新しい年が始まる・・・今年はどんな一年になるのだろう・・・

今回もまたアパートで独り新年を迎えた・・・
もう長い間年越しそばなんて食べてないなぁ・・・
今日は朝からHRCでバイト。デジカメで写真を撮りつつ働き始め。去年同様ミーティングで
お雑煮等たべると思って朝ご飯食べていかなったのになんとことしはないじゃん・・・いきなりオープンでまいった・・・おかげで4時に上がるまで2003年明けてから何も食べずに働きましたわ・・・なぜ何も出なかったんだー・・・
ご家族ご一行様が4時前に約束どおりきて軽く食事していった。もうこれで3年連続だけど、さすがに来年の今日はいないだろうなーって
いたらいたで怖い気も・・・。結局実家には帰らずにアパートに直帰・・・大晦日に作りまくったカレーを11時ころに食べてテレビみたりして元旦は過ごした・・・冬の課題などの確認してみるとやはり期末試験まであまり時間もないうえかなり切羽詰った状況だけにちょっと焦ってきた・・・ゼミのブックレポート、明日から一日10ページずつ読んでいこうと決心したがどうなることやら・・・。それから新年だから意を決して毎日軽くトレーニング・・・今日は腕立て20回やったらもうかなりバテて・・・自分おもすぎやわ・・・明日から続くのか・・・

Today’s partner at Jame’s class was really good at English...I forgot to ask her name. But she said she’s never studied abroad before or lived overseas...wow， the way she talks really impressed me... . But maybe she found me a boring person to talk to...I’m not sure， but I felt that way. Jame’s class has been great. It gives us students the chances to examine to think over the given topics. The aomount of the Homework from James’s OC and LL is increasing and it makes my life so hectic but I guess I better take the attitude to enjoy life itself...which I think I’ve been doing.

Staying at school until late and also went down to McDonald’s for further study with my HTML assignment.

To me， it wasn’t a bad arugument over how to communicate...between Rie and me. When talking at Rakuda-bookstore tonite， our conversation went to that issue...about how to 相槌をうつ and the difference from interrupting the converstaion 中断（横やり）. Our point of view was quite different from each other. In my opinion， if one interrupt the conversation by saying something in， I think that person should bring that conversation back to where it was at the time of interruption， but as long as 相槌、it’s okay to go speaking， I thought. It’s hard to explain in English ( since we talked in Japanese) but let me move on trying. I just didn’t like her interrupting when I was saying somewthing unfinished， and she just didn’t bring our talk back...as if she had not been listening to me ( in fact she didn’t remember what I was saying). I said it was kinda rude to interrupt someone who’s speaking， but she says I take it too serious. Maybe she’s right， but it’s still not a damn good thing to do， I guess. Well， One thing that I don’t like， is that she doesn’t apologize to me when what she does made me unconfortable， she says because she doesn’t feel she does something wrong then. Of course I can’t ask one to apologize to me when he/she doesn’t feel sorry. But she just never seems to try to see what I’m saying or how I’m feeling. And if I let it come out of my mouth to inform her of my feelings， it’s the beginning of another fight just as usual.

But I guess we talked okay last nite...after ups and downs.
Daya was too busy to take time talking to me about Sri Lanka tonight in his restaurant in Ikeshita...which surprised me because I thought she still worked only in Markey’s in Takaoka. I’m still interested in going to Sri Lanka， but unless I get some accomodations for free such as friends of Daya back home...it won’t be as easy.

Slept until late afternoon...I should be thankful that I could do this b’cos now that I don’t have to work at G2 anymore. Anyway， I went to Mister Donut and Rakuda-bookstore (again) and studied， read some books... . I wanna study a bit of computer...basis stuff， first of all. I don’t think I am making advantege of my computer well enuf. I had some time thinking about my career， and I picked up a book related "the jobs that requires the use of English". I know I wanna do something with my English， but I still don’t know what. Working for some kinda NGO but what can I do?...

I called Daya， ’cos I remembered going to Sri Lanka...so we are gonna meet tomorrow after working at HRC. I checked the guide book of Sri Lanka...looked interesing.

Apologizing mail to Rie and now it’s okay. She said sorry too. She recommend that I read "Mainichi Weekly". Maybe I should try reading it at school

Rie and I seem never to work out...I would say， someone who’s born to be in a wealthy famly never understands how someone who’s born in a unwealthy family feels. She’s independent in one way， but she’s so dependant in another way， and I just can’t stnad when she shows the same kinda attitude towards me b’coz she said manytimes that she wouldn’t be like that to me. I dunno what a friend means. But in the first place， is it ever possible to be a friend back again with the one who used to be his/her girlfriend/boyfriend?

Rakuda-shoten(bookstore) has such a good atmosphere that makes people relaxed while tasting some good coffee served at Seattle Express at the uppse floor. I sat down on a table and read over "milk caramel cafe" the book for the next seminar report「カンボジアから来たワンディ」it was just like the previous one that I read， pretty easy to go on reading. But I was too sleepy to stay awake...so I fell asleep there for a hile. After all I was there until 11 pm. As I left the bookstore， I looked around and found some interesting books to read. Everytime I go into a bookstore and see lots of books piled and lined up in the shelves， it makes me feel I don’t know about many things， and it scares me just to think that I will never catch up with things going on in this world. I know that we can never know every little thing， and there’s alot more to learn from beside from books， in actuality probably things that we can learn from our actual life and some interactions with other people means much more than what we can learn from books. But as I get older and older， and as I am still staying a student at the age of 24， there’s not a chance to learn some foundamental things to learn， or there’re not many people that I can ask for that kinda imformation without feeling embarassed or hesitations.

Sometimes， I recall what I’ve learned while I was away from school for almost a past year. I wish that I had read more books， spent more time on studying as well. But I know there must have been something that I learnt and I try to think that it was good for me and it made me what I am.

Oops， I did it again...she’s right. I know. She has every right to be mad at me when I tried to do some makeout to her at the movie...but then tears came off.

I feel lonely...for sure. But at the same timem， I know she won’t take that place， but only we end up fighting.

No matter how I feel， it’s my responsibility what comes out.

It’s all over now...after working for 2 years and 7 months， it’s over. I guess I’ve learnt so many things， and met some nice people， some stupid assholes， and selfish manger as well. I don’t yet feel that I quit and don’t have to work no longer there but definitely I won’t be going to see movies for free...perhas. I， after all， didn’t tell Nori the date when I am available to do some farewell party...how could I anyway? I quit in the middile of the hectic situation for the theaters that are running short of the numbe of the staff to get ready for notoriuos "Harry Potter"... . I was asked by some people "why quit now!?" I understand that， but I feel very proud of myself having made the decision this time. I couldn’t imagine myself spending the whole winter break working at G2 and doing nothig else. Of course I need money to keep feeding me， but I didn’t anyway wanna stand working for that asshole manager any longer...it just doesn’t me learn anything more than the endurance， which I’ve had enough of already.


I was really happy when Ito-san came back to G2 and gave me some farewell presents...a mini calendar， message-written postcards and a "Heart" book. I had the last supper at 王将 with her and Shu， which was fun for sure. When I went to Gusto with Shu afterwards， he told me about the things that he’ s now interested in doing for the career...and why he’s so into seeing movies even on the quite. I also have to take serious thoughts of that kinda issue...but right now I just wanna do what I’m supposed to do and remember taking "slow but steady steps".


I also met Rie on the campus today， and had a usual sort of fight. We got okay， but still I don’t know what to do with this matter. I know I feel I want things to be the way I want to， and when they are not， I get unreasonably angry or show bad attitudes towards her...and always misassumption goes around in my mind...

I don’t know how well I did in LL test today... there were several questions that I totally didn’t make out， so hopefully I will get over 40 out of 50...but I’m not sure. I talked to Yoco for a while after the test but she didn’t answer the phone again when I called her tonite.... .

Rie called me during the LL test...
I called her back and decided to have lunch tomorrow...but tonite when I finished the assignments， I mailed her， and asked her if she could make some "obento" tomorrow but she said NO. Then the conversation went wrong and then I don’t know if we are gonna meet tomoroow or not. Phew.....

I was really happy that I could finish writing the report for semina and the final draft for Writing class. Yay! Spent 3 hours at Gusto... .

Tomorrow is the last day at G2...wow

Mmm...to be honest， I didn’t really think that the wedding was great. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been getting along too well with him. He and I are so different for sure. I， after all， didn’t talk to him that much today. Should I have? I dunno.

It might’ve been the first time for me to try the FRENCH dishes...just as I imgined， they didn’t serve much of a volume of it. Yoshiaki didn’t like it at all， and even left some of it.

There was no chance to meet anybody， either， or it’s b’coz I didn’t really try for myself either... . The setting of the tables was not good， either. There were some people including us Mariko， Yoshiaki and Kengo who could not really see Daisuke and Saeko from where our table was.That wasn’t a good thing either...

Oh...it makes me feel bad if I keep writing all the kind of complements...Why don’t I mention something good about yesterday...if there is. Saeko-san looked really beautiful in the wedding dress...and how happy my brother looked. That’s for sure the highlight of the wedding.

But I just don’t think it was enjoyable， at least for me， thou. Rather I was tired. But anyway it must be good experience， since it was almost the first time for me to go attend the wedding.

I wore the blue Thai silk shirt which I purchased in Thailand last March... . I didn’t look that bad...i guess， with tie and suit.

Well， one think I thought about was that I might never like that matter with relatives and stuff all that. I just cannot imagine myself

I must’ve been very tired since I didn’t
wake up although I meant to spend the day
studying， and also I meant to go to pick
up the medicine.... .

But instead， I was sleeping until 3:30pm this afternoon. I have decided to wear the blue shirt in my brother’s wedding tomorrow which I bought in Thailand last Spring. It doesn’t look bad at all， I thought.

I went back home and practiced the song...I guess we are not that good， but maybe they won’t care that much either...

They say， "there’s nothing like home"...I can relax for sure...I used to think in a different way， nobody understands me and I really disliked my parents...not now. I guess it’s not as bad... .

I asked Rie to lend me her digital camera but she was sick with a cold and we wouldn’t have time to meet up before the wedding so I gave up. I had not talked to her for a week but it was not that bad.
I still don’t know what I am supposed to do about the kind of relationship to make with her...thou.

Can anybody explain to me what exactly "to summarize" mean? I feel I am stuck， I don’t know how to do that well although I do not have much time left before the due day for 2nd Book Report of the seminar...When I happened to visit Mr. Purcell， just as usual he sounded as if I were a child or something. I wonder why. I just can’t like the way he treats me. Is it b’coz I quit attending claases last year? That should have nothing for him to do with the way he treats me now， he’s not a youngsta kid. He’s a college prof.

Anyway， I tried to re-write the summary of the report after school at computer lab， but mainly I spent time on chatting with Takamura-kun， and sleeping for a couple of hours... . But after that， I worked on it a little， and also read it thru again at Gusto and tried to re-type for a while.

I sometimes feel I know very little things for my age， and haven’t learnd as much as I should have until now. But at the same time I try to think like "nothing’s too late". So all I gotta do is just move on. But it ain’t easy， thou...

Somebody， help me out!!!


I somehow did not talk to Yoco at LL class today...I guess it made her wonder why. There wasn’t any particular reasons but I guess I shouldn’t have done that. Tonight when I called her at Gusto， she didn’t， intentionally or not， answer the phone although I called her again.

Oh well， tomorrow I really have to go get the SSRI medicine since I have been out of taking it for almost a week... . And LL test is coming up on Monday next week so I gotta prepare for that， too， as well as finishing the book report hopefully withtin the day of tomorrow...

I haven’t had fun lately...I really need to...

Today is Thursday， which means a longest day of the week with full of classes from 9:00am to 4:10pm. But gladly I managed it. But one thing I am worried about is that HTML (web page) assignment for Writing ?. I just hope to make is somehow...it seems making homepage is far from a piece of cake.

The partner for today’s Workshop was Yuki. She seemed quite a good girl， who told me that she’d stayed in the US over 2 years with her family. But she seemed more surprised with my English when I told her I only stayed for one year in OZ 6 years ago. I know that I’ve tried hard after I got back to Japan...so， that she was surprised made me feel well and confident， and also it made me feel proud of my English， too.

When one problems goes off， another comes in. I started feeling kind of unsatisfied with the discussion in our group for the seminar class. Just like usual， there was not many opinions on the given topic either， and I just don’t know what to do. I talked to Cody， but he had a different view towards what I have been feeling. First of all， it was kind of a shock when he told me that he hadn’t really been able to see my point that I make during the discussion. I guess it is not as clear... . It should be a surprise either， because many people tell me that I don’t make things clear when I say them... . That’s something bad about me， I’m afraid.

I still cannot help but get anxious about others...as well as other groups... . And also， I still don’t know what and how to wirte the journal and book reports... . I really have to do something about it. When I went up to Mr. Kondo’s office， he told me that we’ve been doing just fine and not to worry that much about it. Mmm...

One good thing for today was when I had weekly counsceling with Dr. Hasegawa，
he told me he got the feeling that I might make something of my life ...which I hope. I just told him that I wanna go on a trip...I thought it was a kind of a sign of escaping from the reality， but he kindly suggested that I should give myself a prize， too...for working that hard since I got back to school. Always he tells me good things， which makes me itchy sometimes， but feels good， too.

After 5-day-holidays of School Festival，
I am back to the school again. I felt so much better when I woke up this morning. So I considered going for lunch with Terachi-san today...but thought it over and decided not to to. What I am supposed to do now， is to take GOOD care of myself， moreover I’ve got lots of shxxs to do such as the seminar book report...that’s something I have to finish before going to have next fun. Also， my brother’s wedding is coming right soon...on Sunday 10th. I have to practice the song... .

Today， a small surprise occured to me...which was to get an e-mail from Hattori-san in CS. I have been out of touch ( intentionally ) for over a month.
But it was not a bad one， he told me his colleage is getting married next month and he’s kind of in charge of setting up a second party what is called in Japanese 「二次会」 and he’s kindly thinking about making it ＠ HRC... So he had a few questions about making the place to their party only. Well， I guess I might have a little advantage if I could make that reservation as my "insentive reservation"， so that I might have quite amount of money coming in...
But he hopes to manage an estimate per person about 3，000 yen...which sounded to me a little too difficult to have a private party.... but I gotta ask the managers.

I spent quite long of this evening on reading the book 「アジアン・ジェネレーション」for the seninar report...good that I could finish reading it within the night.
I’ll have to start working on it， and hopefully finish the report by the weekend...

Rie called me tonite...which my phone has blocked from gettin it， thou. I thought a little about her on the way back home from Gusto tonite...I feel everytime we talk， and everytime we argue， that she thinks I am too imature， or what she says makes me feel I am always wrong or to blame. Maybe she’s right in many cases， but I just don’t think I can make equal relationship as long as I feel this way... .

I meant to wake up early this morning to
go to do some study at school...however
I just couldn’t get myself up and then
went back into my "futon" over and over again when the bell rang....

And when I checked the time， I realized that it was already 4:15 pm...and guess what...today I was supposed to work a part-time at G2 at 5:00pm...
oh no...I got up ( and got "upset" too )
and changed clothes and headed to the
station. Thank God， I wasn’t THAT late
( only a couple of minutes )， but I was
not feeling well at all from the slight
cold or something...anyway， then I managed
to finish the day... I can’t believe that
I would only have to work one day， that is
next Tuesday， and then it’s gonna be all over. That’s wow for sure.

I apologized to Terachi-san that I wouldn’t
be able to make it lunch at HRC tomorrow...
I felt bad since I know that she was excited about it alot...


高校三年生の知り合いの女の子に
「言葉が全世界共通だったらどんなメリット、デメリットあると思う？」とメールで聞かれて
困ったけど思うところツラツラと書いた・・・
以下のような感じ、でももっと時間があれば
まともなこと書けたかも


「言葉が全世界共通だったらどんなメリット、デメリットあると思う？」

いきなりの難題ですね・・・

では僕の思うところをつらつらと書き綴っていきましょう・・・

まずメリットとしては、うーん、言語による障壁がなくなるため
文化的差異についてもお互い理解が容易になるでしょう。これまで
お互いに対する理解の欠如から戦争に発展していく過程もあった
だろうから、相互理解への重要な点になると思う。この点が一番
大切かつメリットと言えるのではないかな。また旅行等も
しやすくなるだろうね。今の日本人の中にも海外に興味はあるけど
どうしても語学の点が不安でなかなか一歩を踏み出せないという方も
大勢いるだろうし、ツアーなどで行けば確かに添乗員さんや現地語を
話せる人が同行するため安心ということがあってもお決まりのコースに
なりがちであると同時に値段も高くなる場合があるだろうしね。
その点もし言葉による障壁がなくなれば個人旅行もしやすくなるし
ますます海外に行こうという流れもでてくるだろう。


しかしながらデメリットもかなり大きいと思う。まず僕が真っ先に
思うのは、（もしたった今と比較して言語が一つならば）仕事を失う人が
世界中でかなり多くなるということ。まず第一に外国語というものが存在
しなくなるわけだから学校教育にも現在で言う外国語科目がなくなるから
それを教える人もいなくなる。また、街の英会話学校を始めとする各種語学学校
専門学校を存在しなくなる。さらには通訳・翻訳などの専門職もなくなるわけで、
様々な業界でも職を失うことになるよね。たとえば映画業界なら字幕が必要なくなる
からそれに携わる仕事も存在しなくなるし、本や雑誌関係も然り。あとは教える必要
が
ないということは学ぶ必要もなくなるというわけで、学問としての外国語が消える
ね。
もちろんこれは良いとも悪いとも言いきれないけどね。もともとないならその時間は
他のことに費やされているだろうから。

どちらにしても、今と比較するのは難しいよね。でもまあ僕が思うには
世界が一つの言語で結ばれているのなら今起きている様々な諸問題のいくつかは
軽減されて住みやすい世界になるのではないかと思うだけに、メリットの方が
大きいのかな。でもこればっかりは難しいね。と、大学で「異文化コミュニケーショ
ン」
を専門にゼミで勉強しているXXは思うのでした・・・

what can I do...there just ain’t a thing
to prevent a fight from taking place
between us...everytime one of us opens
the mouth， it’s a beginning of another.
On and on and on...nothing’s changed.
She says I should hold on myself a little
longer before I think I get hurt by what
she says or does...maybe she’s right.
But it ain’t easy to stop how I feel，
when I feel that way. I never knew what
I want from her， thou. I end up asking for
another fight unconsciously...I don’t want
it for sure... . And every after our fight
is over， I feel I never wanna talk to her
again， but she keeps calling me again，
just like this time， we had a fight over
the net and on the phone， and ended up
badly， then she called me， sounding as if
nothing had happened last nite. Or another
case， I release my firm beliefe and think
somehow that she might’ve changed...， which
only turns out that I am wrong again with
another fight starting on...

In a week there’s gonna be my brother’s wedding... . So I went back home after working at HRC and had dinner with my family. It feels safe to be at home，
I had my mom’s curry...not too good
this time thou.

Practiced singing "夜空のムコウニ"
hope I can sing it well next Sunday...thou

Meant to wake up quite early and to go to school to do some study...but ended up falling a sleep again after waking up at 9.

Had nice brunch at C’s cafe ...and then，headed to G2 to work...

Stopped by at Mister Donut on the way back home， and finished composing an English part of the song for the wedding...

Didn’t do much today...sleeping until noon.
I was pretty exhausted from the troubles of the last nite’s party...Tom called me
a couple of times in the morning...which I didn’t answer， but met him at school in the afternoon and talked for a while.
All the while I couldn’t help but feel some kinda what is called cultural differences... . Just asked him to refrain from going inside the dorm even a while， which he said he promised not to.

Had dinner with Futchan ＠ gusto and talked for quite long...which was good

今回のパーティーは今までで一番悪い
終わり方になってしまった・・・
企画者の1人であるトムが酔っ払って
つぶれてしまったし、さらには寮生には
ほとんど告知していなかったらしく
いきなりあんな大きなパーティーが
勝手にコミュニティールームで開かれていて
大騒ぎ・・・大迷惑・・・。さらには
さらにみんな早く帰ってくれないし、
部外者が寮内に入り込んでしまって
月形さんもかなりキレてた、さらには
寮生も・・・。しかも僕が企画者だと
思われているし・・・まあムリもないか。
もと寮生だし、3週間まえにDJやった
ばかりだったし・・・。カミリアはパーティー
始まったらほとんどいなかったみたいで、
終わりがけに手伝いにくるだけだったし。
ひとみやなおが手伝ってくれて、さらには
ジョンが精力的に動いてくれたから
よかったけど・・・。とにかくもう二度と
あそこでパーティーはやれないようだ。
やはりしっかりと企画する人間がいて
さらには後片付けもちゃんとやってそれで
反省会も開くというジャパニーズスタイル
がいいと痛感した。これもまた文化的差異に
よるものが大きいにかもしれないけど、
失ったものは大きすぎて取り返しがつかない
ようだ・・・。ほんとにブルー・・・